Masochism as Biohacking: Musings on Pain and Pleasure
“Holy shit. I think I actually enjoyed that.” K exclaims panting, his body slicked with sweat and his eyes glazed yet sparkly in the way that people tend to look when they’re high on endorphins. K has just experienced his very first whipping at my hand. A long distance runner for many years, he surprisingly does not identify as a masochist— Surprising to me, someone who considers running to by a practice in brutality— Though after our session, that may start to change.
Masochism is a loaded word. Culturally, most people associate it with sexual masochism exclusively. The word conjures up images of men in hoods, chained up in a basement, while a woman clad in glossy black latex kicks him repeatedly in the nuts until pre-cum smears across the toe of her boot. Often, the imagined relationship between pain and pleasure is 1:1. Pain goes into body. Brain converts to pleasure. Arousal ensues. Freaky! But anyone invested in their own personal journey with masochism can tell you its so much more complex than that. For many of us (myself included, I identify as a sadomasochist), our relationship to pain, sensation, suffering, and endurance touches many parts of our lives. It is this very relationship that Leigh Cowart investigates in her book “Hurt So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose”. Leigh is a former ballerina and a practicing kinky person. She identifies as a high-sensation seeker, a masochist, and a switch. She’s also an insanely insightful and intelligent writer. As a giant sex nerd and former dancer, I naturally devoured her words.
One of the things that Leigh discusses at length in her book is Why??? Do?? People???? Do???? This???? And I’m not just talking about getting kicked in the nuts or whipped or spanked or suspended from ropes. I’m talking about running and ballet and cold plunges and eating hot chili peppers and all kinds of things that hurt. Things that we do of our own volition (if someone is coercing you or forcing you to experiencing pain that is abuse!) In her own words: “feeling bad to feel better”. The answers are endless and I won’t try to list them all here (you should read the book to discover them for yourself). But one of the major themes is this: pain releases endorphins. Endorphins are the body’s version of morphine. Morphine gets you high.
Pain on purpose is biohacking. Pain is a portal.
This is the crux of my interest in professionally dishing out intense sensation. I love to enact a transformative experience. Getting high rocks. Watching someone else get high by your hand seriously rocks. Anyone who has gone for a long run or enjoyed a punishing workout or danced all night can attest to the appeal of hijacking our endorphins to achieve another state of feeling. Sometimes we take the drugs. Sometimes we make the drugs. Our bodies are actually built for it. People get high for ton of reasons. We get high to learn about ourselves or turn our brains off or turn our brains on or just to feel fucking good. And all of the reasons are valid. And all of these reasons are valid inside of kink too.
I want to take a very brief second to acknowledge that people have varying and complicated relationships with pain. Not all pain is okay for everyone in every context. Not everyone has a benign relationship with pain, and many people have a relationship with pain that changes throughout their life. I’m not going to discuss relating to pain in a harmful way in this post, but if you’re curious about pondering these complicated relationships at length, I seriously recommend reading Leigh’s book.
Okay back to the horny shit.
As a sadomasochist, I love to paint with pain. There is an art form to setting the scene and preparing a body to take pain. It’s a process, a build, and when executed correctly, the result can be otherworldly. There are few things more special to me than someone trusting me to guide them through some tough shit to get to the good shit. It is an honor to do so. It is also extremely creatively and intellectually fulfilling for me. Everybody (and every body) is a unique little meat sack powered by electricity and magic. To have the opportunity to unlock the body’s chemical goldmines through presence and emotion and sensation is a puzzle that never gets old. It doesn’t matter if I’m working with someone who knows exactly how hard they like to get hit and where or someone who is absolutely terrified but for whom the curiosity has become excruciating. Getting to be deeply present with someone while they choose to ride a wave of intense sensation to a chemical destination of pleasure is exciting every single time.
If you’re thinking to yourself “I feel curious about this, but I don’t think I can cum from pain” I want to say to you that sexual gratification isn’t always the point. You’re not any less of a masochist if getting punched in the thighs doesn’t make you wet or hard. You can explore masochism simply because you’re excited by the idea of an endorphin release, or catharsis, or testing your physical limits, or expressing devotion through sacrificing your flesh. But I will tell you this, the body is a mysterious vessel and you never know what you might be into until you try. You never know where the pain train might deliver you to until you take the ride. You might hate it and never try it again. Or you might go somewhere you never thought you’d end up. Either way, for those of you curious little freaks reading this post thinking you may want to take a sip of the masochist kool-aid, just know that if you ever do decide to play with me, you will have the right to revoke consent at any step in the journey. If you don’t like it and you don’t want it, you can say so and it will stop. But if you find yourself starting deepen your breath, your chest start to flush, your body start to buzz with the static electricity of nerves and enjoyment, you can always say “more please” and I will happily oblige.